Bitch Titty
by Spoot Poot
Summary: There is no summary...because this story is crap. Don't read it, it's shit.


Spoot: Back at it again….care to join me!?

Deadpool: Oh cool! Authors notes. Hey, can Spidey be in this?

Spoot: No.

Deadpool: WHAT THE SHIT! And your fucking pin name is stupid.

Bitch Titty

"Hello….it's me….HAAA! Just kidding, hey, it's your friendly neighborhood Deadpool! Calm your tits; I know what you're thinking. The title of the fic is offensive, but before you get your cock in a knot, everything about me is offensive. So fuck you, sit down and keep reading. Oh, oh, and fuck the author too, Parker is soooo gunna be in this one. Give me a second to find him, and while I'm searching all the corners of the house, enjoy this really cool story that gunna be narrated in third person so you don't get confused. Pretty sure I just did an Authors note thing….I dunno."

 _It was arguably a normal day in the little apartment right by the Avengers HQ._ "Some might even say, deeply disturbingly normal…" _Wade commented as he tidied up before having guests._ "I just want everyone to know now; this is totally narrated by Patrick Stewart. So…keep that in mind, sorry, ok…go." _He was busy arranging the furniture to better suit his arriving guest. A person he truly admired more than he admired himself. And there is a lot to admire. Wade Wilson, so smart, so positively dope. Handsome and brave…_

"Keep going, its getting good…read it like I wrote it…"

 _Handsome and brave. Cunning and…tall? Arguably one of the better members of the team. His own team. A team he so affectionately calls, The Offenders. But anyway, back to the story. Wade was preparing for the arrival of his closest and dearest friend…Peter Parker. Also known as Spider Man…and in some cases Boo Boo Kitty Fuck. I do not get payed enough for this. The arrival was set for noon on this day, and Wade…_

"Hey can we change that, I don't like it, just…lets go with Deadpool, Captain…Deadpool. I'm deciding on that. Aaanywhooo, Awaiting Spidey…Captain Deadpool…go."

 _Captain Deadpool was in a tizzy-_

"Tizzy? I didn't write that…you're going off the script you geriatric fuck! That's it! I'm telling the story! Get the fuck outta here! Anyway, where was I? Oh right…soooo, Me, Captain Deadpool….am waiting for my bestest friend and also lover, Parker. Fuck…wait, this is all dialog…someone's gotta narrate…aah fuck it….shows over. This whole fucking thing is a mess, no one will read it…wait! Don't go! WAIT! This is fan fiction right? So…I mean…ooooh fuck yes….you, get over here and narrate!"

Deadpool then tossed some papers into the air and began his day over from scratch. He bustled about the apartment clearing a space for what, only he knows. "She also knows, because she's writing this." He muttered as he cleared some boxes. With no real direction or purpose other than to move the story along, Peter showed up within seconds of Deadpool putting the finishing touches on what can only be described as a sex swing. With glee and haste, "And a little bit of waste!" Deadpool Rushed the door. He swung it open and pulled poor Peter into a bearhug.

"With no real direction…I have showed up to move the story along…." Peter said flatly as he dangled in the other man's arms. Deadpool giggled, "Teehee!" and let his little lover go, taking his hand and pulling him in. "You're my little lover…that's pretty much where this fic is going….in the shitter…."

"Wait you mean…."

"That's right Parker! You and I…are gunna fuck like two hobos fighting over a sub sandwich, take that Jared."

"Wade….I'm not doing that. That's not what I signed up for, you said I could show up, we could do some buddy buddy stuff then I could go…that's what you said…"

"Yeah well, that's not how its turning out…this is a fan fiction…we gotta make some cringe'y love to each other…ok…Deadpool gazed into Peter's eyes…and said…oooohhh…is it hot in here, or is it just you….."

"Wade, seriously…this is disturbing, why can we do some quality stuff, something people will wanna see?"

"Uuuh, because this is fan fiction…GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY!"

Spoot: What the fuck!

Deadpool: That's what you get for inviting me…

Spoot: You just ruined everything!

Deadpool: Geez, you sound like my mother! STAY TUNED FOR CHAPTER TWO! If we don't get canceled…


End file.
